Jan. 19th, 2010 11:06 pm
sailor_jerry: (Default)
[personal profile] sailor_jerry
Today I got a letter from the DWP (Department of Work and Pensions - the people that deal with benefits) saying, essentially, that I don't fulfil their criteria for being unwell, and therefore am no longer entitled to my Employment and Support allowance. And as such have no income whatsoever.

So according to their 'point system' I am a 0 out of the 15 points needed to qualify for benefits.

Now, when I read the letter i cried for half an hour. Cried so much my throat hurt. But now, now I'm just angry.
I have all my life, and still do, like many or most people with mental health problems, struggled with coming to terms with there being something wrong. With the fact that I'm not a 'fail' I'm 'ill' and it's not always going to be like this. And an awful lot of that is because although one in four people suffer from mental health problems, they're incredibly misunderstood and under represented.
And you know what, I also struggle every fucking day with feeling like a fucking failure. I had to leave University. I still live at home. I lost fucking relationships to my mental health problems. I spent months and months in a psychiatric institution because of it.
And it's taken me this long to actually feel like it's not all my fault, it's something that's screwed with me that needs help with.
And then the DWP send me a letter saying, what essentially is, 'you've failed a test you didn't even know you were taking, and no, we didn't consult your doctors. But as far as we're concerned there's nothing wrong with you, get back to work and stop sponging.'
So I failed at even being a failure.

Yes, I can appeal. But tomorrow I'm going to have to phone some faceless telephone person who I'm either going to shout it, which they don't deserve, or cry at, which doesn't help. And fuck me if this doesn't seem like a system that discriminates against those who are most vulnerable.

what the fuck do I have to do to be 'ill' ? Do my scars not show it? My hours of psychiatric appointments? My failed relationships, degrees or hospitalizations for overdoses?
I'm bipolar and have a personality disorder. I also have an eating disorder which I'm in ongoing recovery for and is part of my diagnosis. I.. it feels like what do they want me to do to prove I'm not well? What the fuck am I meant to do?

Fuck this. Fuck. This.

Date: 2010-01-20 02:15 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
ARRRGHHHHH I am so, so sorry this had to happen to you. *squeeezes tight*

I've been wondering if I should apply for benefits once I'm finally legal (hopefully soon, please god let the paperwork be accepted - they took my money, but I know that doesn't guarantee approval, and since the government pulls shit like this it makes me very worried indeed), but I don't know if I should, because if I'm not approved I'll feel just like you, a failure even at being a failure :(

I definitely feel like I shouldn't apply, because I'm not 'properly' disabled, and would be rude or even lying to claim that my mental health affects me enough to be a disability. It does affect me very much - I haven't had a panic attack in a while thank god, but I still have a crippling anxiety disorder that infects every aspect of my life. I was really hoping that the UK benefits system might be more understanding and helpful, since one at least exists here - there's no such assistance in the US, none at all, except if you're very lucky (and rich) you can have therapy included in your health insurance, but that rarely happens. (Also, in the states the DWP is the Department of Water and Power, which still throws me off when I see it written here. *small smile*)

I can't believe they didn't even consider your patient history, and especially the fact you were in an institution - surely that's unequivocal evidence that you need and deserve help? Surely it's illegal not to notice something so blindingly obvious? WTF D:

This SUCKS. I'm so sorry :(

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